50 Shades of Grey

Release Date: 13th February 2015

Staring: Dakota Johnson, Jamie Dornan

Synopsis: Literature student Anastasia Steele’s life changes forever when she meets handsome, yet tormented, billionaire Christian Grey.

Rating: 1 star

Yes, Marie took me to go see 50 Shades, but to be honest I was kinda interested in seeing it. So I’m going to be as fair as possible reviewing this film, and not just lay in to it ‘cos that’s the cool thing to do’.

Honestly….. if it didn’t have so much publicity this film would happily fade into obscurity. It had it’s problems. A lot of problems, but was also kind of dull and boring. Just look at the ‘plot’, guy and girl meet and….. romance occurs…..kinda….I guess.

And that’s really all there is to it. Let’s start at the beginning. You know those films where the guy and girl meet, are friends and then decided they want to be more than that? Well that happens within the first 5 minutes. I get it, they wanted to start with the rest of the plot and decided to cut back on the meetcute but it just didn’t work for me. It made the whole first act feel very clunky and forced.

That combined with Dornan having all the screen presence of a large plank of wood and the two leads having all the chemistry of a Ken and Barbie doll being slammed together by a toddler most of the film just didn’t work for me.

To be fair the film did pick up in the second act, but considering the first act, the bar wasn’t high. But even then, there was a problem. The film isn’t over long [Marie Edit: Yes it is, I got bored about 3/4 of the way in and let my mind wander] but with so little driving force behind the film it was hard to tell when Act 2 ended, act 3 began and the end was happening. Seriously you could happily run the second on straight after and you wouldn’t notice.

But do you know the bit I just couldn’t get my head around. The bit where Dornan, first shows off his play room. Like that is the best way to explain things to her. But since she clearly isn’t in to BDSM you’d have thought maybe the words ‘I’m in to kinky sex, would you like to see my playroom?” would have eased her into the situation a little.

Also I have to say I found the character of Christian Grey shockingly offensive. Really the stereotype that to be into BDSM you have to be in some why psychologically damaged and couldn’t possibly have a normal relationship, to me is offensive. Like if you had a movie about a gay guy, who just realized he could just decided not to be. It kinda offensive.

That being said, I disagree with the people who say the relationship is abusive. It’s not abusive. It gets stalking confused with romance but I wouldn’t say it was abusive.

Overall it kind of sucked. It was plot-less, pointless, offensive and boring. 1 Star.

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